Connected: The Intricate Grandparent-Grandchild Bond in Asia

March 25, 2025

Written By Emma GERARD

When I first visited Chefchaouen, I did not expect to see a familiar sight: older women selling produce, bargaining with vendors, and excitedly chatting with one another. It reminded me of my grandmothers in Malaysia, and at that moment, I realized how much I missed them. Being 10,000 kilometers away from home exposed how little I had appreciated their close presence. The clumsy exchanges in languages we couldn’t fully grasp, the cultural practices that once felt unfamiliar or out of place—now, they feel like lost connective threads I wish I had embraced more closely.

This moment made me reflect on the changing role of grandparents in many Asian families. As younger generations embrace different languages and linguistic mixes, experience different social expectations, and become geographically separated, what happens to the bond between grandparents and grandchildren? Do these generational and cultural differences inevitably widen, or is there something that continues to tie us together across time and distance?

If I had to identify the backbone of Asian societies, it would be grandparents. For many Asian households, grandparents step in as primary caretakers for their grandchildren, allowing their parents to work longer hours or migrate for employment. In recent years, this has pushed more women into the workforce, especially in nations lacking adequate social childcare options. While it may seem like Asian grandparents only provide physical care, their presence in their grandchildren’s lives also offers a sense of comfort and stability for the young. This caregiving role also allows grandparents to pass down cultural practices and values integral to their family identities. The use of mother tongues or heritage languages by grandparents contributes to the survival of these languages, especially in countries where citizens are encouraged to speak a standardized variant of a language or the national language alone. 

However, that is not to say the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is without difficulties or challenges. The increasing globalization of society has contributed to a widened cultural and linguistic gap, especially between grandparents raised in more traditional settings and grandchildren raised in more “Westernised” surroundings. As previously mentioned, grandparents often speak to their grandchildren in their heritage language during their childhood, teaching them these languages. Yet, with time, younger Asians tend to lose their fluency in the language due to a lack of use outside the family unit. This issue may lead to language barriers that distance the two generations. 

In response, some grandchildren have begun learning their grandparents’ first languages to better reconnect with their heritage. The resurgence of young Singaporeans learning and speaking Teochew, a dialect spoken by many of their elders but not taught in schools, is evidence of this. Globalization has also led to disconnects between grandparents’ expectations and the more progressive worldviews of younger generations. For instance, some older Asians have voiced their discontentment with younger generations electing to be childless. A common reason identified by researchers for this tension is the Confucianist value placed on the family unit and family identity that continues to shape Asian societies, particularly in East Asia.

Often, grandparents can provide a level of acceptance and understanding that parents might not, especially when navigating personal struggles. Due to their presence as comforting figures during many young Asians’ childhoods, many grandparents become pillars of support for their grandchildren. This could be because grandparents provide more emotional support, whereas parents may be stricter or weighed down by societal expectations. Though contributing to child rearing, grandparents are often removed from the direct responsibilities of parenting, which allows them to offer a gentler and more nurturing presence. Additionally, grandparents tend to be more affectionate with their grandchildren, more openly showing their love and care through their actions and words. For them, grandchildren are perpetually babies, and it is their mission to shower them with love and affection for as long as they can. A great example of this would be my grandmother. While she prefers speaking in Cantonese (a language I struggle to understand past a kindergartener’s level), she always makes a point to tell me “I love you” when we exchange our goodbyes, something I still struggle to say to my parents despite the lack of language barrier. 

Last summer, when I walked into the cinema to watch How to Make Millions Before Grandma Dies, I had no idea what to expect. As the haunting melody of Grandma’s Home echoed through the cinema, I couldn’t help but cry quietly. It was as if the music unlocked a floodgate of memories of my great-grandmother. I thought about the moments we shared before she passed away and the regret that followed. My inability to speak Hakka, the language of my paternal heritage, kept me from truly connecting with her during our annual Lunar New Year visits. But what haunts me the most is that I never asked her to share the stories of her childhood, of the life she lived before becoming just my great-grandmother. There is so much I wish I knew about her and so little that I do. All I have left are fleeting memories and an overwhelming sense of longing. I miss you more than I remember you, Po Tai.

As we reflect on the role grandparents play in our lives, it becomes increasingly clear how their influence extends far beyond the immediate family. Grandparents often represent the last tangible link connecting us to our cultural heritage, family stories, and values otherwise threatened by modernization and globalization. In many ways, we only truly begin to recognize and appreciate their impact on our lives when they are no longer with us. Younger generations have responded by attempting to meaningfully preserve these connections, be it through writing down family histories, learning traditional recipes, or reviving old and forgotten customs. Yet, let’s not limit ourselves to only preserving these connections following the demise of our loved ones. Instead, we should strive to appreciate every second we have left with them, both now and in the future.